Dear Friends,
This blog is created in the fond memory of my dear friend Iffat Kamal (who many of us fondly called Simmi) and for others she was Dr. Iffat Kamal (MD, MRCP, FRCP).........Her shocking, sad and untimely death has deeply deeply affected all her close friends and family, and also people who knew her remotely and even those who probably did not know her at all, but read about the greusome manner in which she was killed.....parents who've got daughters married or living alone abroad are deeply shaken up by what happened to Simmi. "If it could happen to her, it could happen to our daughters too" is their biggest fear now.
When one thinks of Iffat, her ever smiling face and bubbling persona, her exceptional intellect and humility made Iffat stand out head and shoulders above the rest of us...... I myself am a non-medico and would not know what it takes to achieve all the various degrees and positions that she did at such a young age. All I know is that for 38 of her 39 years of life, this girl kept studying and clearing one exam after the other, undeterred. For me, Iffat was a bundle of joy, a normal girl who loved to talk about her favourite Indian film stars, movies, clothes, shopping, which face wash to use etc. etc.............."Oh Sumita, I am using this great face wash these days, you know Julia Roberts uses this brnad and vouches for it, it's 100% organic, no chemicals.....next time when I visit India I must bring some for you". This was in October of 08 when Iffat was visiting home and I along with my son visited Lucknow to be with her, Areeb and Ayan (Iffat's adorable sons). I discovered a very different side of Iffat in this trip, two children, each pulling her from different sides (especially Ayan the little one who kept saying "Mommy, bhai pitti"....help me get this sword from bhai, I want to play with it....and Simmi jumping in telling Areeb "de do beta, chota bhai hai".....and in the midst of all the chaos, Simmi continues to smile ofcourse.
For the past 10 years or more, Iffat had been juggling between all the extremely demainding studies, job pressure, managing her trips to India to be with Areeb (which was 2-3 times a year) and later when Ayan came along, managing Ayan in Dundee along with a house that she ran with barely any support from her husband....I actually don't even feel like mentioning the husband here at all since the very thought of him, makes my head spin.....he cannot be called a husband, the only term to describe him is a "beast" - actually NO, even animals would not do what he did to Simmi. After what happened to Simmi, my faith in the justice of God is shaken up, I just hope that the British courts have a better sense of justice that the Almighty.
One cannot describe in words the amount of agony, pain and sorrow that one witnessed during Simmi's burial. While, we've all come away, back to our lives and realities, for Aunty (Simmi's mom) and brother Amir, the pain and suffering gets worse with each passing day. Each time Aunty and I talk on the phone, Aunty keeps breaking down saying "she cannot bear the pain any more". I remain speechless, while tears continue to fall from my eyes. Aunty keeps repeating "this was my time to go, not Simmi's.....this was her time to finally enjoy life and enjoy her children".
Missing you.........can't you come back........!
Sumita
This blog is created in the fond memory of my dear friend Iffat Kamal (who many of us fondly called Simmi) and for others she was Dr. Iffat Kamal (MD, MRCP, FRCP).........Her shocking, sad and untimely death has deeply deeply affected all her close friends and family, and also people who knew her remotely and even those who probably did not know her at all, but read about the greusome manner in which she was killed.....parents who've got daughters married or living alone abroad are deeply shaken up by what happened to Simmi. "If it could happen to her, it could happen to our daughters too" is their biggest fear now.
When one thinks of Iffat, her ever smiling face and bubbling persona, her exceptional intellect and humility made Iffat stand out head and shoulders above the rest of us...... I myself am a non-medico and would not know what it takes to achieve all the various degrees and positions that she did at such a young age. All I know is that for 38 of her 39 years of life, this girl kept studying and clearing one exam after the other, undeterred. For me, Iffat was a bundle of joy, a normal girl who loved to talk about her favourite Indian film stars, movies, clothes, shopping, which face wash to use etc. etc.............."Oh Sumita, I am using this great face wash these days, you know Julia Roberts uses this brnad and vouches for it, it's 100% organic, no chemicals.....next time when I visit India I must bring some for you". This was in October of 08 when Iffat was visiting home and I along with my son visited Lucknow to be with her, Areeb and Ayan (Iffat's adorable sons). I discovered a very different side of Iffat in this trip, two children, each pulling her from different sides (especially Ayan the little one who kept saying "Mommy, bhai pitti"....help me get this sword from bhai, I want to play with it....and Simmi jumping in telling Areeb "de do beta, chota bhai hai".....and in the midst of all the chaos, Simmi continues to smile ofcourse.
For the past 10 years or more, Iffat had been juggling between all the extremely demainding studies, job pressure, managing her trips to India to be with Areeb (which was 2-3 times a year) and later when Ayan came along, managing Ayan in Dundee along with a house that she ran with barely any support from her husband....I actually don't even feel like mentioning the husband here at all since the very thought of him, makes my head spin.....he cannot be called a husband, the only term to describe him is a "beast" - actually NO, even animals would not do what he did to Simmi. After what happened to Simmi, my faith in the justice of God is shaken up, I just hope that the British courts have a better sense of justice that the Almighty.
One cannot describe in words the amount of agony, pain and sorrow that one witnessed during Simmi's burial. While, we've all come away, back to our lives and realities, for Aunty (Simmi's mom) and brother Amir, the pain and suffering gets worse with each passing day. Each time Aunty and I talk on the phone, Aunty keeps breaking down saying "she cannot bear the pain any more". I remain speechless, while tears continue to fall from my eyes. Aunty keeps repeating "this was my time to go, not Simmi's.....this was her time to finally enjoy life and enjoy her children".
Missing you.........can't you come back........!
Sumita
My heart nearly stopped when i heard this news. An awful unimaginable event has happened to one of the nicest person i have ever met. On behalf of all her friends in UK, we hope that she gets the justice which she deserves.
ReplyDeleteHow does one write about Simmi? Words seems so insufficient!She was the a dear sister and friend. Her full of life and bubbling personality are always in front of me.I spoke to her every night and our conversations were silly and mundane for the most part, but they brought us joy.Her dedication and love for Areeb and Ayaan was unparalleled.Her laughter could bring life back into the most depressed soul.The memories are so many and so beautiful that they go on and on, and so do the tears.
ReplyDeleteSimmi, your absence is tearing me apart with pain and frankly at this point I do not know how to deal with it.Every morning wishing it was a bad dream and you will call later, but you never do....
Simmi where are you? I miss you so much all the time that it's difficult to move on.
Wish so badly that you could come back to us....
I will always remember Iffat being so nice and grateful. I may only be one of the secretaries that typed her reports but she always made me feel like I was doing her a favour! Iffats fashion sense was always talk of the office too! - Where did she always find those lovely sandels? - Back home I suppose! The biggest smile you'd ever see on Iffats face was when she would talk about her two lovely boys, they meant the world to her, she was so proud to be their mother. I will miss Iffat but hope that her memory is kept alive for the sake of her two boys.
ReplyDeleteBeena-
ReplyDeleteTo me Simmi apa was a very special sister and a friend. Not only had I been in regular touch with her since the time she went to Scotland, but I have spent some of my most memorable holidays with Simmi apa and Amir bhai in Lucknow, back when I was a kid. I remember her studying all the time!! I remember her playing “I have a dream” on the guitar. I have so many special memories. Whenever I picture her, it’s always a smiling face that spread so much happiness around. I met her in October last year, and, for old time’s sake, we went out for coffee and shopping!
Today, I have no words to express my pain. Every single day I think of her. I miss her emails. I miss all the updates we gave each other: shopping, kids, movies, new hairstyle or whatever! I miss someone who I could crib to. Our emails were about nothing major, just routine stuff, but still we had so much to share and talk about almost every alternate day. Whenever I open my mail box each morning I remind myself that she will not write to me again. Little did I know that she was so stressed and I could do nothing for her. My son remembers her often, “Simmi akka kahan hain?”, and I have no answer for him.
I returned from Lucknow after spending a week with Amir bhai and my phuphu (Simmi apas brother and her mom)…….their pain and sorrow is unimaginable; I want to do something for them, to lessen their grief, but I find myself so helpless. It is remarkable how the kids are managing, it is admirable how puppi (my phuphu) moves around doing just about everything—attending to guests, doing the routine household stuff, looking after the kids and taking care of whoever else visits her. We talked about Simmi apa in between all the activities and every time she would break down, I did not know what to say to her to ease her pain. I would just hug her or try and calm her down. For Amir bhai the loss is just so huge, the two of them were inseparable and shared a very special bond.
I pray that God gives them the strength to get through this. All of us are standing by you amir bhai, puppi and the kids!
For Simmi apa, may her soul rest in peace. I will always remember you for the person you were¬—jovial and persevering in the midst of everything. You will remain an inspiration. I miss u Simmi apa.
I still find it hard to believe that Iffat has gone. She was a wonderful friend and colleague and I feel her loss greatly. I remember when Iffat first arrived in Dundee, she missed her family hugely but was so brave and excited about her new life. We became close friends and over the years and have supported each other through both exams and personal crisis. I always valued her opinion and will miss gossiping over coffee and especially hearing all about her boys and life back in India. Even when Iffat was feeling a little stressed she would always be ready with a smile and refused to let things get her down. She was very much loved and respected by everyone she worked with and I was so proud when she became a consultant in our department – a great achievement. Over the years we had lots of fun nights out together with the other trainees and we all loved her fantastic sense of humour and sunny, sweet nature. Katie Robertson organised a service for all of her friends and colleagues to pay their love and respect. Dedications were read out by Professor David Levison and Professor Stewart Fleming both great mentors to Iffat. Mary Gallacher read out a beautiful poem which I will ask her to post. Not surprisingly around 100 people attended to say goodbye to this beautiful soul. I had expected Iffat to be part of my life forever as wherever life led her I wanted to be part of it – I am devastated that her story has ended suddenly but am so proud of all that she achieved, hers was such a fulfilled life.
ReplyDeleteI cannot even begin to understand what her family are going through especially the little boys she adored and my heart goes out to all of you. I know that if Iffat is looking down on us now she would want us to remember her with smiles and not tears.
My love to everyone who is hurting, I will never forget you my beautiful friend.
It is with a heavy heart and deep sorrow that I write about Iffat whom I had the pleasure of knowing since she was a student at the Medical College in Lucknow. She demonstrated great determination while persevering to excel in the field of Medicine with a positive "I can" attitude. Thus it was not surprising that Iffat could reach the pinnacle of her career as a Pathologist (FRCP) and Consultant in UK at such a young age. Her academic and professional track record was most impressive. Above all, I remember Iffat as a warm, affectionate and fun loving person with a beautiful radiant smile that was characteristic of her. She was a woman of substance and I admired how well she managed her family life without compromising on her professional commitments.
ReplyDeleteThe circumstances of her untimely and tragic death are dastardly and therefore all the more irreconciliable. Her family and friends are devastated. The grief is enormous and unabating as Iffat's death has left an indellible void. The following verse by Mary Elizabeth Fry may provide some sollace and comfort:
"Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sunlight on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain...
I am the soft stars that shine at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die"
I didn't know Iffat for very long.
ReplyDeleteWhat i remember most about Iffat was that she had the biggest, warmest smile i ever saw. I guess, a smile like that can only reflect something on the inside.
I'm very sorry and sad for Iffat, her two boys, her family, her friends both in India and here in Dundee.
Requiem for Purity
ReplyDeleteNew Delhi, Fri, 09 Jan 2009 Shobha Shukla
The shocking news of the alleged gruesome death of Dr Iffat Kamal has benumbed my senses. She, a doctor by profession, was allegedly assaulted by her husband in her house at Dundee, Scotland on December 10, 2008 and after battling for ten days, succumbed to her injuries. That she, a professionally qualified and financially independent person became a prey of the brutality of her husband, has once again put a question mark on all the so called shining progress made by Indian women in recent times.
It is a sad commentary on the way we, as parents, teachers and elders are bringing up our children. Despite all the hoopla about the progressive Indian- urban outlook, daughters are still expected to be submissive and tolerant to marital injustices (to the extent of becoming martyrs); while sons are brought up with the 'killer instinct'. The macho man of the Indian subcontinent does not hesitate to bludgeon his wife to death, or to derive sadistic pleasure in gang raping a defenseless victim, or to avenge the humiliation of being rejected by a woman he fancies, by throwing acid on her face or injecting her with HIV infected blood. We teach our boys never to take NO for an answer. So they, in later life, revel in acts of road rage, violence for fun and jilted lover's revenge — all indicative of the grossly poor upbringing of the future citizens of India.
Somewhere down the line, I hold myself responsible for the fate that befell Iffat (which means purity/chastity). She had been one of my best students at Loreto Convent, Lucknow, where I teach Physics. I remember her vividly as a very intelligent, humble and sincere girl, who was always ready to help others with a winsome smile. Apart from teaching my subject, I have always tried to instil in my students a love for the dignity of womanhood and for the sanctity of human life. Alas! I failed on both accounts. I failed to convey to Iffat that though tolerance is a virtue, it cannot upstage one's right to live. That enough is enough and the line of truce cannot be converted to battle lines. I failed to impart life-saving skills to her, which are so important to survive in this male dominated society.
Let all of us, women and men both, resolve to do whatever is in our power to prevent such heinous crimes being repeated in future. Let our ill-placed maternal instincts not blind us to bring up evil robots (in the form of sons) and dumb dolls (in the form of daughters) instead of caring and loving human beings.
Shobha Shukla
(The author is the Editor of Citizen News Service (CNS) and also teaches physics at Loreto Convent. Email: shobha@citizen-news.org, website: www.citizen-news.org)
Vibha writes...."It was so shocking –especially as I had been talking and was constantly on email with her during the last year. I got Sumita’s message and could not believe what I was reading – I had to read it a number of times for the message to sink in “Iffat was no more” – flashes of the old times kept coming back the whole night – I remembered all the old times – all the happy and carefree time we had in Loreto Convent. It pains every time to imagine she is no more and the brutality of her death horrifies me. Middle of last year whenever I spoke to her she did speak about her marriage being on the rocks and how she expected very little from life – sometimes I wish I did something as she mentioned that her husband was creating a lot of problems as he could not accept Areeb and it was getting unbearable for her. But more recently she stopped mentioning anything to me as she got very concerned for me – I wish I was less self absorbed and had reached out to her – One keeps wondering why Iffat - one of the most gentle and harmless well meaning human being I have ever known - WHY???
ReplyDeleteGod please let her soul rest in peace please get justice for her please let the guilty not go unpunished…"
Vibha Khurana, a school mate of Iffat from Loreto
शायद किसी को ज्यादा जानने के लिये उससे अच्छी मुलाकात होनी जरूरी है लेकिन सिम्मी के साथ ये बात फिट नही बैठती...सिम्मी से मै कुल तीन बार मिला वो भी उनके लखनऊ के घर में..हर बार की मुलाकात में,जो एक बात कभी नहीं भुलाई जा सकती वो है उनकी बेहद गर्मजोशी से भरी हुयी मुस्कान..यकीन करें मुझे पहली बार मिलने पर भी नही लगा कि मैं उनसे पहली बार मिल रहा हू। सिम्मी के भाई आमिर मेरे सबसे करीबी दोस्तों में से एक है। मुझे याद है कि एक बार आंटी और सिम्मी य़ूके से दिल्ली आये तो उनका लगेज़ एयरलाइंस की लापरवाही से खो गया.. उस वक्त अयान बहुत छोटा था और उसका सारा खाना ...दवाईयां और तमाम दूसरे जरूरी सामान लगेज में ही रह गये थे...सब लोग बड़े परेशान थे। उन दिनों मे स्टार न्यूज़ में काम कर रहा था लिहाजा जर्नलिस्ट होने के नाते सिम्मी और आंटी का इंटरव्यू किया उसे चैनल पर दिखाया..अब मुझे याद आता है कि उस इंटरव्यू की सीड़ी के लिये आमिर ने मुझे कितनी बार फोन किया था मैने उस इंटरव्यू की एक सीड़ी आमिर को भी दी थी.. नही पता था कि एक दिन वो सीड़ी आमिर के लिये बेहद कीमती हो जायेगी। उस इंटरव्यू के दौरान की मुलाकात शायद सिम्मी से मेरी सबसे लम्बी मुलाकात थी...और पहली बार मैने महसूस किया कि बेहद सिम्पल दिखनेवाली सिम्मी अंदर से कितनी संजीदा हैं.. यूके और इंड़िया के बीच उन्होने अपनी जिंदगी को कैसे मैनेज किया है वो भी मैने पहली बार समझा..सिम्मी की मौत के बाद मै कई बार आमिर से मिला हूं लेकिन आमिर अब पहलेवाले आमिर नही रह गये हैं..हर वक्त बेफिक्र रहनेवाला शख्स अचानक बड़ा हो गया है। सबके चेहरे देखकर ऐसा लगता है पूरे परिवार के जीने का मकसद ही खत्म हो गया है.. जी रहें है कि बस सासें चल रही हैं। मै कल ही लखनऊ से दिल्ली लौटा हूं और इस मुलाकात मे भी आमिर के चेहरे पर दर्द की लकीरे उतनी ही ताजा दिखी....इल बार मैं अरीब और अयान से बहुत देर तक बात करता रहा और रह-रह कर ऊपरवाले के इस बेदर्द फैसले पर शक करता रहा। आमिर की ये हालात देखकर आज तक मै आंटी के सामने जाने की हिम्मत तक नही कर पाया हूं....उनको मैने सिम्मी की मदद के लिये एक पैर यूके और एक पैर इंड़िया में वाली हालत में देखा है। अचानक हुये इस हादसे ने उन्हे अंदर तक कितनी चोट पहुचायी होगी ये शब्दो में नही समझा जा सकता।
ReplyDeletej.v.srivastava@aajtak.com
write2shivendra@rediffmail.com
09873548899
Anju and Ranjith
ReplyDeleteWe didn't know Iffat that well,but in those 4 or 5 times in total we've met,she made me feel like we've known eachother a lifetime and words can't describe how I still feel about all that happened and often I wish I had a second chance to know her better and if I could rewind to a few months before and atleast see that gorgeous smile once more.We pray to God Almighty that her soul rests in peace and we get justice for her.Hope and pray aunty, uncle, Amir and those lovely kids continue to have the strength to carry on
The whole incidence that took place with Iffat masi was so shocking and surprising
ReplyDeletethat we just cant forget it .i always knew her as my masi's(sumita)best friend,but the way she used to love us was just so wonderful.
i have fond memories of my chilhood wen my brother(bharat) and i used to play with her son Areeb in the colony.It was so much fun.Now we have Ayan who so so adorable and cute that you just can't get your eyes off him.
i hope every one gets the strength to bear the loss.
hoping that iffat masi's soul rests in peace.
LOVE U MASI WHERE EVER U R !!!!
gayatri
Iffat studied medicine and obtained her medical degree from King George’s Medical College, Luknow in 1992. She went on to become a post-graduate resident in the Department of Pathology at King George’s Medical College and received her M.D. in Pathology in 1997. She progressed to senior residency posts in the Institute of Medical Sciences and the Inder Chand Pathology Centre, Luknow and from there became a Consultant at Indra Diagnostic Centre, Lucknow, and Newcity Hospitals, Secunderabad. She was always encouraged by her family to strive for the best and to push herself. Having a pathologist in her family who had trained and worked abroad, she was encouraged to seek further training and experience in pathology abroad in order to expand her knowledge and skills. In 2001 she came to Dundee after a personal recommendation to myself from a former trainee of mine in Guys in London, Dr Ashraf Kahn. At the time, Dundee had fewer trainees than now and so Iffat’s arrival in the Department was a very welcome one.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure we all fully appreciate how much courage and determination it must have taken such a quiet and gentle person such as Iffat to leave the safety of her family home, her culture and her little boy, Areeb, to come thousands of miles to a place called Dundee on her own.
The challenges that faced Iffat in those early days were not limited to changes in lifestyle, climate and culture. There were also huge differences in the workplace; her brother mentioned that in India she was used to technicians doing most if not all of the cutting/trimming of specimens, so this was a skill she had to develop very quickly. Iffat’s brother said she was excited to be in Dundee and to have the opportunity to develop her skills and knowledge - like a child on her first day at school, everything ahead of her and everything to work for. She was dedicated, determined and always smiled in the face of adversity. Despite her quiet nature, Iffat strove single-mindedly to achieve her goals; to constantly expand her knowledge and become a member of the Royal College of Pathologists. Iffat being Iffat, just got on with things without question or a fuss. She did all this without her family by her side but maintained constant contact with them via the phone and by email.
A Tribute to Iffat – Professor David Levison
(Professor David Levison, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.)
While a registrar she co-authored with Stewart Fleming a couple of pathology articles for the Surgery journal. She did most of the writing with her precise and careful style and I remember her pride when they appeared in print.
ReplyDeleteIffat was dedicated to her training and she wanted nothing more than to pass the MRCPath. She developed a passion for gynae’ pathology and loved cytology but had a genuine dislike of postmortems. We all remember she had to struggle with the autopsy component of the MRCPath exam, but she was determined to get through the exam. On the first attempt she was at least 8 months pregnant with her second son, baby Ayan. Her mother recalls someone suggesting she seek exemption from the autopsy exam, but Iffat would have none of it. She was definitely not a quitter and was going to see it through to the end.
With the help and encouragement of Consultants, fellow trainees and mortuary staff here at Ninewells, the staff at Bell Street, and at the Royal Victoria Hospital in Kirkaldy, she finally made it. We remember the pain of her trying and the sadness at the failing, but the day she passed it was simply wonderful. She was so full of joy and happiness, and on a real high. She had done it and realised all her pain and anguish had its reward!
Latterly Iffat progressed up the career ladder and became a dedicated and highly valued Consultant Pathologist. With the sad loss of Alastair Robertson in December 2007, Iffat became an integral part of the Gynae’ Pathology and Cytology team at Ninewells. Iffat made the transition from senior trainee to Consultant without any outward signs of how stressed she probably was. It is difficult enough to make that transition, but to do it in a Department where you have trained must be even more stressful.
Iffat was a very private woman and rarely showed her emotions at work. In reality I think we only had a glimpse of Iffat, but we are thankful for that glimpse. It has left an impression on all our hearts.
A Tribute to Iffat – Professor David Levison
(Professor David Levison, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.)
I remember as though it was yesterday Iffat arriving for her registrar interview. December 2001, I’d been here less than a year and Iffat would be the first NHS registrar I appointed. I remember this shy, quiet and tiny lady arriving to look round, but you know, that afternoon in the interview the determination and commitment were as evident as the courtesy and we offered her a post confident that she would succeed. I think it would be safe to say that in the early days, Iffat was a little like a fish out of water. Hardly surprising, it must have been a huge a shock to her to have come from the heat of India where she had her family around her, to the sunny but cold climes of Dundee in December, to live alone in a single flat in the doctors residence. I remember her first Tesco experience with Lesley. Iffat spent that first Christmas with Lesley and her family in Newport. I am not sure that cooking was ever a joyful relaxing experience for Iffat; she missed her Mum’s cooking, so I am sure she was thankful that not only did she have the company of Lesley and her family but also the pleasure of Sally’s home cooking.
ReplyDeleteIn those early days, Iffat was supported by many in the Department, but especially Lesley (and Mum and Dad), Nicky, Roger, Lynne and Lorne. Iffat was always tentative at committing to attending social gatherings of the trainees, but usually managed to get a lift with someone and ended up enjoying herself thoroughly. She enjoyed these gatherings, would let her hair down a little, and had even more of a smile on her face than usual. Everyone tried to encourage her to drive so that she could get out and about more – Iffat could in fact drive but was wary of the roads in Scotland as they were much busier than she was used to back home in India. This did not hold her back, and she often made day trips on the trains and buses when her family came to visit. She especially enjoyed the odd shopping trip into town.
In the department she worked really hard to get up to standard but she lived for the holidays, which she would save up and take in a big chunk so that she could go home and spend special time with her family. We always knew when she was going as her excitement increased over the last couple of weeks in the build up to a holiday in India. She always came back fully refreshed bearing gifts for us all.
Warm Reflections of Iffat – Professor Stewart Fleming.
(Professor Stewart Fleming, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.)
Family were of the utmost importance to Iffat. Despite the miles that separated them, she remained close to them. She was so proud of her eldest son Areeb and wanted him to have the best, education, home, and friends. She adored both of her children and missed them when they were away from her in the care of her parents and brother. I don’t think a day went past when she did not speak to them. Areeb and Ayan joined Iffat in Dundee earlier this year and they all moved to their new, bigger home in Simpson Court. She loved the space it gave them. It even had a small garden for the boys to play in and room enough for the rather large television which she loved.
ReplyDeleteIffat recently returned from a family holiday in the Maldives and came back to Dundee with a new hairstyle and a whole new wardrobe. She looked fantastic and seemed very happy. The move to becoming a consultant certainly gave her more self-confidence and poise. Her brother told us how much she really enjoyed her new job as a Consultant in Dundee, especially working with all the lab’ staff, the office and everyone in cytology. Despite the family’s efforts to get her to return to India, she chose to stay here.
She was always very kind and nurturing to the medical students and to the trainees in the Department. She made a point of asking what they thought of cases and stressed that they must tell her if the disagreed with her diagnosis – they never did but the fact that she always made a point of including them in the process meant a lot. She honestly valued their opinion. She was an excellent teacher who had compassion for the patient and time for the trainees and students. She always laughed at how many times she would re-word reports, often saying that she thought she had probably changed it back to how it was the first time. Her reports had to be perfect and “just so”, she made sure the trainees knew it wasn’t that what they had written was wrong, it was just the way they had written it. This was Iffat’s style, concerned for everyone’s feelings often at her own expense.
In the early days she continuously expressed her gratitude to us for giving her the chance to train in her chosen specialty, but gradually and eventually when she took over from Alistair that changed to us expressing our gratitude to her for her commitment to Dundee and for the grace and kindness she added to all of our lives.
Warm Reflections of Iffat – Professor Stewart Fleming.
(Professor Stewart Fleming, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.)
Remember me when I’m gone away,
ReplyDeleteGone far away into the silent land,
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann’d:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
Poem “Remember”, by Christina Rosetti. Read by Mary Gallacher.
(Mary Gallacher, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.)
And so now as we continue to reflect ion Iffat’s life
ReplyDeleteI invite each one of you to remember her the way you knew her.
If I were to ask you to pick a few words to describe her what words would you chose?
If I asked you to recall a time when you just enjoyed being with her,
when you laughed together
or were silent together, what would come to mind?
If I were to invite you to remember a time she did something for you or a time you were able to do something for her what comes to mind?
And if I invited you to recall
Her smile
Her laugh
The sound of her voice
The look in her eye
Her sense of fun
How would you picture her?
And if I were to ask you what you have learnt from her – from her friendship for example, what kind of things come to mind?
We’ll take a few moments now, with the help of some music, to reflect on these things.
Reflection and Remembrance (David Gordon)
(David Gordon, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.)
Creator of Heaven and Earth, we thank You for all that was accomplished in Your servant Iffat. We treasure our memories of her; we give thanks for the impact her like has had on ours, and we as for the grace to live lives which honour all that she held dear. Grant this for the sake of Your love. Amen.
ReplyDeletePrayer (Anne Findlay)
(Anne Findlay, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.)
This poem compares the sudden onset of grief to an unexpected snow blizzard in Winter.
ReplyDeleteThe snow arrived unannounced
It overwhelmed everything
Changing the landscape so it was unrecognisable
No one was prepared.
My grief feels like that snowstorm
I feel changed, weighed down by the burden.
Trying to negotiate the new environment around me
Not knowing where I am going.
Looking for familiar landmarks
I feel cold and miserable and ill equipped in this new place
Unvisited before
But I know in time the snow will melt and return the landscape
To some semblance of normality.
An I now in time my grief will diminish and I will find my way forward again, back to a world that I recognise, changed, but familiar
Spring does always come after Winter and Hope will return.
Poem – “Snow”, by Tessa Wilkinson. Read by David Gordon.
(David Gordon, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.)
Close (David Gordon)
ReplyDeleteIt’s because we love that death is so painful
May we use our grief to help us love more;
To value those around us as precious gifts whom we cherish and nurture.
Dismissal (David Gordon and Anne)
ReplyDelete(David) When our hearts are broken,
(Anne) May we find comfort with each other;
(David) Where tears flow.
(Anne) May we find peace in sharing our love:
(David) And where the day seems endless,
And the nights seem unbearable
(Anne) may we find healing and hope for a better tomorrow.
As we go from here, sharing our memories,
May we, and all who shared in Iffatt’s life,
Come to know peace, joy and healing
Now and through all the days ahead, through the grace of God who is the
Origin, the Purpose and the Goal of our Pilgrimage. Amen.
DR. KATIE ROBERTSON ORGANIZED A BEAUTIFUL MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR IFFAT AT NINEWELLS HOSPITAL ON THE 5TH OF JANUARY 2009. THERE WAS LOVELY MUSIC AND SUNFLOWERS. NOT SURPRISINGLY IT WAS ATTENDED BY AROUND A 100 PEOPLE. DAVID GORDON AND ANNE FINDLAY GRACIOUSLY CONDUCTED THE PROCEEDINGS. DEDICATIONS WERE READ OUT BY PROFESSOR DAVID LEVISON AND PROFESSOR STEWART FLEMING. MARY GALLACHER READ OUT A BEAUTIFUL POEM.
ReplyDeleteWe Are Indebted to: KATIE ROBERTSON, FRCPath, Ninewells Hospital, Dundee.
Sometimes it is difficult to express the depth of pain we feel in words. The pain I felt when I arrived at Ninewells hospital in Dundee that fatal night is unparalleled to any emotion I have felt before. Unfortunately my recent interaction with Simmi apa was not very frequent. As a child, I vividly remember my summer breaks in Luckhnow, Simmi's room, her books, the skeletons under her bed and her constant preperation for exams. I grew up idolising her intelligence, dedication and ability to work so hard. She was a source of inspiration- ambitious, successful yet humble, kind and always smiling.
ReplyDeleteOne instance I particularly remember in the recent past is when Simmi came visiting from Dundee and I was still in college in Delhi. I complimented her hand bag and without even mentioning it, she left it for me- that pretty much summarises the person she is.
The other dominant emotion I felt during my last week with Simmi in Dundee was strength- this crazy amount of strength that I didnt even know existed. I just wanted to be there for the boys in any possible way. Today as we celebrate her life, strength is all we have to offer to her family and the two little ones. We have very little choice but to make it our dominant emotion over pain and grief.
"It is a basic principle of spiritual life that we learn the deepest things in unknown territory. Often it's when we feel most confused inwardly and are in the midst of our greatest difficulties that something new will open. We awaken most easily to the mystery of life through our weakest side. The areas of our greatest strength, where we are the most competent and clearest, tend to keep us away from the mystery." -Jack Kornfield
I will personally always refer to Simmi in the present and never in the past. She will continue to inspire me in ways she possibly wasn't even aware of. We will all miss you Simmi apa. We hope you are in a better place and can only humbly promise that everything which was your priority will now become our priority.
Iram Khan
Leveraged and Acquisition Finance, HSBC
Level 3- 8CS, Canary Wharf
London- E145HQ
E-mail: Iram.khan@hsbcib.com
Though Simmi was my neice, we always interacted as frieds and laughed on the silliest things possible. All my friends and aquaintances knew about her sustained achievements because I was sooooooooo proud of her. We all refered to her as a person with a golden heart and an epitome of humility. Simmi, you have left us all with wonderful memories and have become a role model for the future generations in our family. The minute I close my eyes I see you with your disarming smile and luscious hair. We remember and miss you every second. We loved and adored you.
ReplyDeleteTammi apa
tkidwai@hotmail.com
(Teacher - American International School, Jeddah.)
To Iffat – the pure one.
ReplyDelete( A mother’s tribute)
Pure and unaffected
With a childlike simplicity is
How we remember you
Uneven and white your teeth glittered
Like jewels and the smiles splashed across
The walls as if there were no enemies around
Only friends.
To me you were the only star
That had given a meaning to my life
And in you I found my own dreams
Travel wide across the seven seas.
Such a moment of joy as we held you in our arms
And you became Iffat - the pure one.
It took years for you to become a girl
Radiant and full of shine.
Once a toddler then a young girl
A doctor, a sister, a friend and a mother of two
How swiftly you moved from
One to the other
Despite all odds you stood brave and quiet
Hiding all your tears, brushing aside caves of loneliness
Hiding moments that had a smell of sorrows
You lived for the day
You lived for your children
You lived for me
Whatever be the pact between God and you
I will remember you as the one who taught me
To live for others
I see you today
Almost everywhere
In your children and friends
Brother and colleagues
Snapshots and memories
No yester years
You will be with us
Always smiling
I am confident in that heaven
A haven of joy where you reside today
There is no space for grief.
THIS POEM HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY DR. RANU UNIYAL PANT – IN THE FOND MEMORY OF IFFAT.
(Dr. Ranu Uniyal Pant is a Professor in the Dept. of English & Modern European Languages, University of Lucknow, U.P., India. Email: ranu_uniyal@rediffmail.com )
Nighat and I go back a long way. Our parents had played bridge together in Allahabad before we were born. We became friends in school and then the university. I look back nostalgically on the time I spent in her family home at Aminabad --- the hot summers, the high ceilings, the fragrance of khas, mangoes and delicious kebabs.
ReplyDeleteAnd then we grew up. Nighat was the first to get married. I revelled in her children and watched Iffat and Amir grow into bright, caring, spirited adults with a great sense of humour. My children shared a warm relationship with them and they would all gang up with me to play jokes on Nighat .And as always, there was Simmi and that smile , spilling light and warmth like a reward, as it touched one.
Extremely intelligent, gentle, and sensitive, Simmi would always underplay her achievements. Modesty was ingrained in her, but pride in her work and her integrity made her stand out. Though so slender and slight, she was no weakling and her love for her children and what she believed to be right, ran through her like steel. She was no quitter despite the constant and relentless onslaughts on her peace of mind and self-esteem. And she paid for that with her life. It did not require much effort to snuff her life so brutally.
That this should have happened to a highly successful and gifted professional woman not in India, but in the U.K., is a reaffirmation of the vulnerability of women, no matter what their age, colour, nationality, class, race or religion. It is behind closed doors and at the hands of those who are enjoined to care for them that women are most abused. Indeed, my stint as head of the Women’s Bureau in the Department of Women and Child Development, Government of India in the early 90s, revealed that domestic violence, emotional, sexual and physical, was the great leveller. It does not take much to erase the brightness from a smile, to erode confidence with taunts and physical abuse and reduce a woman to a malleable state. She should not, must not resist. Why do women take it? There are so many reasons and sometimes, as in Simmi’s case, when abuse crossed the line, and she decided this was it, she paid for her temerity to think she owned herself, with her life.
I ache for her children and her family and for all that she still had to live for and give.............. the potential, the promise. It is grossly unfair. This should not have happened. But it did. There is no bringing Simmi back, but if the judicial system is as fair as it is known to be, this crime should invoke the maximum sentence not only because it has deprived two young boys of their mother and the bereft family are entitled to the reassurance of justice being done, but justice is seen to be done by those who abuse their partners so they stop to reflect that they cannot just get away with it.
Uma Pillai
Ex: Head, Womens Bureau, Department of Women and Child Development, Government of India.
E Mail: pillai.uma@gmail.com
SIMMI- my dearest cousin, a great pal, a thorough professional, a great mom and THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING. It is so hard to express in words what she meant to me. We got along like house on fire- latest movies, high street fashions, family outings et all, we chatted up on a daily basis…… She had an amazing Zest for life and inspired me to enjoy simple things in life. We shared this quotation always- ‘Life is not about how many breaths you take, but about the moments, that take your breath away’
ReplyDeleteNot a day has passed since that tragic & terrible day that I have not thought of her. It is with such heavy heart that I write about her, since her untimely loss has still not sinked in………she was just an inseparable part of our lives.
Everything just seems to go in a flash, we spent our childhood together, those summer vacations, bicycle rides, swimming classes. She was a very studious & committed child and we have grown up taking her examples. Her exemplary career is reflective of the same.
She seemed to be very happy with her current work and we all were very proud of her achievements. It felt good, when she would excuse herself in between an interesting conversation to ‘HEAD’ a meeting, or ‘CHAIR’ a group. Nobody got to know about her pain because she always shared her happy moments making other people happier.
A wonderful, soft-spoken, genuine and compassionate person like her will be deeply missed, loved and admired by all. Our prayers go for Areeb, Ayaan, mumani, mamu and Amir…may God give them the strength to carry on life without her…however impossible it seems now. Simmi's beautiful memories will be cherished & her smiling face will be with us ALWAYS.
Naureen (Meena)
Marketing & Promotions
Gulf News
Dubai
" Iffat was a beautiful soul who had the appearance of the most
ReplyDeletedelicate and fragile of individuals yet underneath this she was
also one of the strongest women I have ever known. Her love for her
children was near enough tangible to anyone who knew her. I feel it
was a privilege to have known Iffat at Ninewells as a fellow
trainee. She never once spoke ill of anyone and her almost
limitless generosity and consideration for others was unsurpassed.
Iffat was always welcome at the Forensics unit where I subsequently
went to work, at the University in Dundee and the news of her
tragic passing sent a wave of disbelief and horror through those of
us supposedly numbed by the cruelty that lurks within human nature.
I would like to thank Iffat for having made such an indelible mark
on my life. She supported me through some difficult life decisions
and will continue to do so as her words of encouragment and
understanding stay with me wherever I go. From reading the other
posts on the site it is evident that her memory will not easily
fade with time. I hope that her children will remember what a
fantastic mother they were blessed with and that through them the
best aspects of her will no doubt live on."
Dr Elizabeth W L Brooks-Lim MBChB FRCPath MFFLM
Forensic Pathologist
c/o Office of the Chief Coroner
Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada
I have a dream, a song to sing,
ReplyDeleteTo help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of the fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything i see
I believe in angels
When i know the time is right for me,
I'll cross the stream
I have a dream...
This song by ABBA was not just a song Simmi apa sang and taught me, but is such a true reflection of the person she was. A spirited optimist, a fighter and an achiever, and truly the most humble, loving, simple and sensitive person I've met. Its hard to even begin to imagine what we have lost. The words, "something good in everything i see" so perfectly embody her personality. I never ever heard her speak ill of anyone. She really did see the good in everyone and everything. It amazes me now that even after going through such turmoil in life she never cribbed, complained or spoke negatively for any of those who had hurt her. How many people do we know who are so wonderful just as people, as human beings.
Sims and i shared a close bond over all these years. I talked of anything and everything with her and loved to see her excitement, hear her whole hearted laugh and her words of wisdom for a younger sister (me). But now when i look back it hurts me bad that it was all about me. Where was she in all those talks? Why did i not ask her how her life was or even when i did why did i not insist that she gives me details? Why did i not ask her if she was happy? Why? Because when she was with you she was completely with you and did not let her attention sway or wander, and wanted you to just tell her all about yourself. That was Simmi..always about others.
I miss you Sims, i love you and am sorry for not being a good sister who never coaxed you to speak about yourself. I was selfish.
I miss your weekly check-in calls to me in DC :) and i still end up adding your email id to my list when im sending my new albums to all my close ones.
You remain in my heart and in my prayers and may Allah bless you with peace. You will always be a big inspiration to me for the wonderful human being and the strong woman you've been. With all my love and respect. Your's, Betu.
Meher Rehman
International Advocacy Fellow
Population Action International
Washington, DC, USA
meher.r@gmail.com
It is very difficult for me, even now that some time has passed, to write about Iffat. It is that I can not believe that she is no longer with us. I still look though her office window hoping to find her as usual; with her microscope and surrounded by piles of cases at different stages of progress. That was Iffat, a very conscientious professional, but she was also an extremely kind person and a fantastic friend.
ReplyDeleteShe was always so grateful and gentile. Her smile never vanished, even when she was tired after a busy day. Perhaps in those occasions she was even more attentive, being very careful of people’s feeling. We worked together for years. She was a senior trainee when I joined the department and I saw her during her transition to consultant. She was doing great as a new consultant, gaining in confidence day by day at a very impressive rate. She had been born for that challenge.
Iffat adored her children. She had both of them on her mind all the time. They were her reason for working so hard. She wanted to be a good role model and to be able to give them the best chances in life. It is never too soon for her to talk about University choices, even before they started at school.
I was made to believe that Iffat was not a very proficient cook; well, this was what she told me as I do not have any proof. I remember that she invited me to her house for dinner but then, after reflecting for a couple of seconds, decided that it would be better if we waited for her mum to come from India or if we went to a restaurant. However, I believe that there was an element of modesty in those comments.
My heart sinks when I think of Iffat and her beloved family. I am sure that Iffat’s boys will carry on making her proud, perusing their dreams and have happy and bright futures. She will have a very special place in our memory.
Luisa Motta
Deptt. Of Pathology, Ninewells Hospital.
lmottamd@hotmail.com
I knew Iffat as a kind and gentle colleague, who was always helpful to me when she was a trainee and later a consultant pathologist. Iffat was the first trainee to welcome me to the NHS Tayside Department of Pathology, when I joined in 2004. She also surprised me shortly after her visit to India in the same year, as she presented me with a beautiful pewter chest as a welcome gift. I still have this and it is one of my daughter's favourite possessions.
ReplyDeleteHer loss was devastating and my thoughts are often with her family. Whilst I am pleased with today's court verdict, this in no way compensates for the loss of such a valuable, young life.
Dr. Lee B. Jordan,
Clinical Lead,
Dept. of Pathology,
Ninewells Hospital,
Dundee DD1 9SY
UK
Dearest Iffat,
ReplyDeleteI am so relieved with the courts verdict. This was very important especially for the sake of Aunty, Uncle and Amir. You must rest in peace now.
Your boys are going to grow up into fine young men and will always be proud of their Mommy. You have been our pride and will continue to remain so. I already see reflections of your genius in Areeb. I pray that Aunty and Amir can move on now - they must, for the sake of the boys.
Love you Iffat. Missing you more than ever. Sumita
My dear Simmi,
ReplyDeleteNow you can rest in peace!
I will always be available to help Areeb and Ayaan grow up into good human beings just like their mom and make you so proud of them.
Miss you so much precious girl.
love you lots.Jabeen
It was such a shock when my dad told me about the horrific incident... I couldn't sleep for 3-4 nights in row thinking about what she went throught that day and what she was enduring all this while. I live in a forein country and have been through a bad marriage myself, my heart just went out for her and her family.
ReplyDeleteI had known Iffat since we were kids, we went to the same school, my dad was friends with her family and we went swimming during summers at the same pool in Lucknow.
As she was a couple years older to me, I didn't know her as well as many others, but, she was and always will be this friendly girl who excelled in her studies and career. She always came across as a very warm, friendly, grounded person.
May she rest in peace. I will always miss her.
Maria.
My dear Sim,
ReplyDeleteAnother year has gone by but time has still not healed the pain and grief that surrounds all of us with your loss. Back in 2009, somewhere, I thought perhaps the verdict given to that monster, Nabeel,would bring that much-needed peace of mind to us and most importantly to Pappi, Phuppha and Amir Bhai, and to all of us who are still trying to register the loss of a special someone - You. But the recent verdict has just left us even more appalled, angry and disgusted. How can the courts let go off this criminal with such ease...isn't this about taking someone's life, and not not just anyone but someone like you! Someone who could never ever harm anyone or think ill of anyone. It's infuriating!
One reads of Human Rights all the time and my sector is all about that but this verdict baffles me and I wonder what went wrong here; that too in the UK courts of law who uphold the highest values of human rights and dignity; UK, the nation that is always at the forefront when it comes to addressing violation of human rights. How could they give a verdict which is so anti-human rights! How could the courts simply overlook that a life was lost rather taken! That man will now go scot free within a period of 3 years...how, why? Isn't that bizarre...it is and extremely painful too that both law and luck seem to be in his favor.
Sims, the court's response has let us down but my faith in Allah's justice remains strong and I believe that Allah has destined a time for everything...he takes care of all injustices when the time comes. All I pray is that, that time comes soon and till then He gives strength and 'sabr' to Pappi, Phupha and Amir Bhai and peace to you, Sims.
Love you lots and as always missing you.
Betu